I’m broken more than I think I am. Just yesterday, while I turned away a funny, young, good-looking, American boy who shows his interests in me, I just suddenly realized that I’m scared to even open myself up to go out on a date with a young, funny, good-looking boy. This is not the first time I turned away guy since the last relationship.
I’m broken more than I realized. The thing is it wasn’t because I’m not over my ex, but the fact that I’m so afraid of being hurt yet again another time, because I’m so afraid of if things doesn’t work out I will have to face myself another recovery time. Ah, recovery time, those endless nights of waking up at 3am in the morning, and my friend had to trick me just to close my eyes and try to sleep, those endless days of fighting with my eating disorder symptoms (which I once had and afraid it was going to come back), those endless hours of me debating myself that I should/ should not go to counseling, those minutes of beating myself up over and over for giving up too soon; to prevent me from all of those painful time, I would prefer to be by myself.
Sigh, all of those hurtness, all of those pain, I dont even feel them anymore. I ripped off those bandaids that cover my pain long long time ago, those wounds have healed... But...
Who would have thought a girl like me-who was so fun, charming, confident and opened up for any possibilities for loves like me couple years ago-could turn to be a girl who is so afraid of a word “LOVE”…
Sigh, all of those hurtness, all of those pain, I dont even feel them anymore. I ripped off those bandaids that cover my pain long long time ago, those wounds have healed... But...
Who would have thought a girl like me-who was so fun, charming, confident and opened up for any possibilities for loves like me couple years ago-could turn to be a girl who is so afraid of a word “LOVE”…
Who would have thought that I'm now scared even just open up again...
I felt bad for the guy I turned away yesterday... He is such a nice guy...but who is going to feel bad for me?
Đôi khi lòng chùng lại....
I felt bad for the guy I turned away yesterday... He is such a nice guy...but who is going to feel bad for me?
Đôi khi lòng chùng lại....
everybody who cares for you will feel bad for you. You should open yourself more to love,be brave. Past is the past. It's not like what happened to you in the past will happen to you again in the future. It's not like you met some bad asses in your life, all other guys are bad asses. Give you a chance, give guys chances. Life is just a "search and match" game. you are very charming, nice and one of the smartest girls in the world. I'm sure you will find your true love someday and it's just again "open yourself more" and "believe more in yourself and people"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbYGomf2BEU
The past is not just the past. It made me the person who i'm today. I believe everything happens for a reason, maybe I'm supposed to feel that much in order to grow.
ReplyDeleteI never said my exes were bad asses. I only said I cant bare to feel what i had felt once more time. For me, life is not just a game, and I can't risk playing game with my feelings.
I'm happy at this instant moment with everything in my life. That all matters.
Que sera sera... Right?
"I dont know why it is we are in such a hurry to get up when we fall down, you might think we would lie there and rest a while" ~ AND I'm still resting.