As I stay awake at night every night, cant fall to sleep, worry sick about my future. I do wish that I could turn back to the time when I'm worry-free...
As I lay there thinking of what is the next step in life that I should take... I realized I'm done with my 2nd 5 years plan. and I dont have a next 5 years plan out yet.
I never feel this unsure about tmr like this in my life. I dont have a plan to act on, I'm living on a schedule that I cant control, i dont even know what tmr looks like.
I have a notch in my stomach that causes my stomach aches, that keeps showing up everyday.
I never feel doubt about my abilities, my life like this before. Oh well, there is always a first time for everything.

I dont like the uncertain, but with what is going on in my life right now i can say that everything is so uncertain.

I know worrying abt the future doesn't get me anywhere but i cant help but worry abt my visa, my opt, my money, jobs. Everybody says that: "oh, u got your phd everything is fine" they dont get that phd doesn't mean anything, it doesnt guarantee u a job. It's just a tittle.
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I know i dont talk abt us much, i dont show any picture of us on anywhere or talking sweet to u like any other girl, i know that i complain a lot, grumpy, and be unreasonable all the time. I know all of that, but thank u for being the only thing that staying unchanged while life throws ups and downs at me...
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I'm going back to running, despite the fact that my knees r still in pain sometimes. I just have to be extra careful so i dont end up damaging my knees more.

 

"If you miss the train I’m on, you will know that I am gone
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles,
A hundred miles, a hundred miles,
A hundred miles, a hundred miles,
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles" 


"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy."

Let's move forward. Leave all the sadness behind...