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June 1st, 2010


I've been meditating myself by doing these things:

When i'm thinking of him when i woke up in the morning, I said to myself, I need to do yoga today or tomorrow, it would help me find balance.

When I'm thinking of him when I'm eating lunch (because we usually talked when I'm eating lunch) I said to myself, I need to read something, then I leave my computer, go out and read.

When I think of him before I leave the office (because he usually told me to go home early), I said I need to go running, then I go.

When I think of him every night before I go to bed, i said to myself, I need to write something, then i write about my feelings for him down in a little pinky book, hopefully one day if we were back together, I would give it to him, to read about my feelings when we were apart so he can fully understand how hard it is for me to letting him go, that how much i love him and willing to suffer to let him off going finding his true love, with only one wish in mind that if it was meant to be... but if we were not back together, I would burn it to ashes, so it will bury down. I do this to hope that i write less and less with time and the feelings go away, but I write more and more...

That's how i'm surviving these days, with no girlfriends to hang out, I readjust myself. I wake up every weekday at 5am and went to bed at 10pm. With some light reading and cross stitch. I devoted myself to work from 8am to 6:30pm and then running, and before work it's yoga. I've been keeping myself busy trying so hard not to think about him.

But it turns out, whatever I do, the picture of him always appears in my mind.

Story of my life...

I just want my beautiful smile back, keep faking and pretending nothing else changes in life is hard. Some how i just feel the whole world crashes on me... put the weight on my shoulder... I deserved to be happy, where is my happiness...